I have been sitting with this little piece of musing for a while- not sure whether to release it into the blog or not. So while another is cooking away, I thought I would take a peek...and- it seems like this piece still has some energy. So here it is:
My resurgence in painting was prompted by Ad Reinhardt two years ago and a suggestion was given to me back then that it might be an idea to make a small version of Ad's blue black painting myself.
Well, two years later, I have. It is, what I would call, a 'study'- of colour and form. It is a very interesting journey into this darkest of dark colour and to discover through experimentation, how Ad might have achieved the effects he did- without doing exactly as he did (my technical skills is way short of inadequate) but sort of following his idea. I am discovering a great deal about this colour- the difficulty in achieving complete saturation of colour on canvass. Also, despite the 'formlessness' of this monochromatic world, I found my mind busily putting form and colour on- it was very difficult to just sit with a dark void. Yesterday, I desparately wanted to put some colour into the painting- even the thinnest line of something...so it took great restraint to stick with the colour and to put on just a few shades lighter- to see how much of this colour would be absorbed. This morning, it is fascinating to see that the vibrant blue had dried and become very very muted and in losing it's vibrancy, a subtle hazy hint of 'something' hovering in the background.
While this little study was carrying on, there was a parallel discussion on Lent. I am a huge skeptic when it comes to rituals and in particular, religious rituals. In the context of Lent, I made a mental connection with the dark painting. In giving up bright colours, in staying with this dark dark canvas, I was reminded of vibrancy and of life. It seems a very natural tendency that when we let ourselves let go of what we have and enter a world of 'lessness' that we realise the value of what we have given up. So, just like Lent, we are joyful when we can re-embrace our old habits and the stuff we had before and for a short while, valuing them in a way that we had never valued them before. But what I think we are missing when we do this is the possibility of going down a different path. Even though I am not a christian, I happen to think that Easter is a story that encourages us to live a different life- that through the period of Lent, we allow ourselves to let go of some of our habits that prevent us from realising our full potential and that coming out of Lent, we are able to 'spring' into a newness.
Sunday, 6 March 2011
Friday, 18 February 2011
To Niles
I was sitting in a bar in Seattle yesterday and had the good fortune of chatting with Niles Peacock who was working the bar. First off, he was unusual in that he had incredible eye-contact with me and everyone sitting at the bar. He suggested a Vodka Martini which I hadn't drunk for a long time and glad I was tempted. More to the point, he was talking about creating an experience for and with customers that was, in itself, a masterclass in co-creating and engagement. We found out that Niles was a trained fashion designer and that his first love is creative work- but, it's hard to earn a living doing what he loves the most and I paraphrase what he then said:
'Since it's hard to earn a living doing creative work...I decided to throw myself into this work- afterall, if I am doing this for a living, I would like to give it my best shot- otherwise, what's the point?'
So it was a massive lesson for me when, earlier that day, I was thinking about the sort of work I love to do- deep change, personal development, true engagement, enabling individuals and groups to be free and have courage to go for their 'truths'....that to earn a living, it is necessary to join in with more mainstream work. The difference between me and Niles is that I have yet to 'true up' to this reality and be able to fully occupy this reality with no resentment and sense of compromise. I don't know how this can come about- two options present themselves at the moment- separation between what I love and what I do well and/ or, let go of ideals and flow with whatever presents itself now.
'Since it's hard to earn a living doing creative work...I decided to throw myself into this work- afterall, if I am doing this for a living, I would like to give it my best shot- otherwise, what's the point?'
So it was a massive lesson for me when, earlier that day, I was thinking about the sort of work I love to do- deep change, personal development, true engagement, enabling individuals and groups to be free and have courage to go for their 'truths'....that to earn a living, it is necessary to join in with more mainstream work. The difference between me and Niles is that I have yet to 'true up' to this reality and be able to fully occupy this reality with no resentment and sense of compromise. I don't know how this can come about- two options present themselves at the moment- separation between what I love and what I do well and/ or, let go of ideals and flow with whatever presents itself now.
Tuesday, 8 February 2011
holding on/ letting go
I have been interested in the work of Otto Scharmer for some time. In particular, his notion of 'letting go' and 'letting come' as part of the U-process of presencing futures. To me, the notion of letting go has buddhist connotations- I make particular connections with meditative practices, alleviation of suffering and impermanence being inheremt aspects of nature.
In the last six months, I have been in the presence of a great teacher, John, who represents for me, in many respects, polaric opposites. In particular, his sense of personal history and identity that seems to be defined by the holding on to significant aspects of his past. Not only does he have artefacts that belong to past generations of his family, he has books, paper cuttings and a vast array of memorabilia that defines who he is, where he's come from and what he represents. He is also a prolific writer and has subscribers that run into thousands and that excludes the amount of people whom he has 'touched' through books, talks and workshops.
In stark contrast, I make a point of never keeping anything- whenever I left a place of employment, I made sure I left everything behind. This was a deliberate decision on my part to reinvent and create new works. But as a consequence of this decision, I have no explicit thing I can point at to say- 'that's me'. This is both freeing and disconcerting as I find myself in new places being overwhelmed by unfamiliarity with very little to hold onto. Speaking to Carol recently on a peer coaching phone-call, she suggested that I should do something which I have mastery- in my mind, I translated 'mastery' to simply something I knew I can do. It seemed to make a lot of sense though no immediate task or opportunity came to mind. A few weeks later, I was lucky enough to go skiing for a day and in that day, I, uncharacteristically, did not go for very difficult or challenging runs but runs I could comfortably do- and enjoy- with no deliberate effort nor thinking. I cannot begin to tell you what that did for me. I was able, in skiing down relatively comfortable runs, to feel free to enjoy my competence, to ground myself and to give myself just enough 'history' to hold onto- just enough to give me enough hand-holding to go from feeling totally overwhelmed to feeling more in control. It had nothing to do with control over my environment- which continued to be alien and unfamiliar, but a FEELING of being in control of my feelings of overwhelmness. In one day, I found myself in a different place which in turn enabled me to become gradually more connected with what is now arising and to be more open to my own internal 'calling' as well as what the environment is calling me to do. This insight was only possible in the chaos of letting go- and most significantly, with grace, for the reminder from Carol- the gift of holding on and in doing so, a readiness for new possibilities to present themselves- in what Otto might call 'letting come'.
In the last six months, I have been in the presence of a great teacher, John, who represents for me, in many respects, polaric opposites. In particular, his sense of personal history and identity that seems to be defined by the holding on to significant aspects of his past. Not only does he have artefacts that belong to past generations of his family, he has books, paper cuttings and a vast array of memorabilia that defines who he is, where he's come from and what he represents. He is also a prolific writer and has subscribers that run into thousands and that excludes the amount of people whom he has 'touched' through books, talks and workshops.
In stark contrast, I make a point of never keeping anything- whenever I left a place of employment, I made sure I left everything behind. This was a deliberate decision on my part to reinvent and create new works. But as a consequence of this decision, I have no explicit thing I can point at to say- 'that's me'. This is both freeing and disconcerting as I find myself in new places being overwhelmed by unfamiliarity with very little to hold onto. Speaking to Carol recently on a peer coaching phone-call, she suggested that I should do something which I have mastery- in my mind, I translated 'mastery' to simply something I knew I can do. It seemed to make a lot of sense though no immediate task or opportunity came to mind. A few weeks later, I was lucky enough to go skiing for a day and in that day, I, uncharacteristically, did not go for very difficult or challenging runs but runs I could comfortably do- and enjoy- with no deliberate effort nor thinking. I cannot begin to tell you what that did for me. I was able, in skiing down relatively comfortable runs, to feel free to enjoy my competence, to ground myself and to give myself just enough 'history' to hold onto- just enough to give me enough hand-holding to go from feeling totally overwhelmed to feeling more in control. It had nothing to do with control over my environment- which continued to be alien and unfamiliar, but a FEELING of being in control of my feelings of overwhelmness. In one day, I found myself in a different place which in turn enabled me to become gradually more connected with what is now arising and to be more open to my own internal 'calling' as well as what the environment is calling me to do. This insight was only possible in the chaos of letting go- and most significantly, with grace, for the reminder from Carol- the gift of holding on and in doing so, a readiness for new possibilities to present themselves- in what Otto might call 'letting come'.
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