Source

I had a skype conversation with my partner a few days ago and he described a profound experience of co-creating a series of movements with someone who was not a dancer by training. The conversation left me full of feelings about so many aspects of relating and relationships. One of which is my sadness from being aware of how my own capabilities and capacities as a dancer has diminished over time. Time and physical deterioration is actuely felt by me as limits to expression. It is beyond words how frustrated I feel when I 'see' movement in my mind but my body cannot give it the fullest expression it demands. That evening, after the 'conversation', I danced and moved in my flat for about two hours and realised the loss of 'vocabulary' but not necessarily 'language'.

Today, he sent me an article by Rodin describing Balinese dancers and dance. This was my response to him:

I find this article thoroughly enjoyable, surfacing a feeling/ sort of insight
dimly in me since you described your experiencing with xxx...you often speak
of beginner's mind- this also applies to movement- which is my reading of
Rodin's writing...so it loops back to Arawana's work- The Art of Making a True
Move...so it loops back to the only picture I have- of me, in motion (I had no
idea the picture was taken)...and- that evening, after our skype text about
your communion, I moved and danced in my flat for about 2 hours...exploring
relationships between influences of past 'training' and flow and creativity and
form and 'true' or 'authentic' movement- their relationship with source- not
just source- but where is the source/ wellspring in my body and how the 'where'
relates to the 'what' in expression, charge/ discharge, energy, quality...

What I omitted was...and the realisation of loss- how much has been lost through time and premature pruning of green shoots of talent- way, way, back then...so now, I wonder, given what is and where I am now, what remains? What is possible?