Gunnen

On the last night of the OD World Summit in Budapest, I was sitting with Stef and Shirine and, in the course of our conversation about relationships, Stef used the Dutch word 'gunnen' which he did not have a translation for. Shirine came out with this explanation: When you give space to someone because they deserve it...they have earnt it. The english translation on the web is 'not begrudge, not envy'. I thought it is interesting how the english translation is in the negative ie in the 'not'. Such is the knot of language, relationships and meaning-making. I wonder whether 'gunnen' is the same as 'given freely without expectations' or 'given unconditionally'. When I love someone, I often find myself wanting to grab hold of them, to protect them, to not want to let them go, to spend all my time with them etc. Of late, I am waking up to 'gunnen'- that loving someone is also about letting them go and do their thing- even if it means, ultimately, they go off to do whatever is most 'right' for them at this point in their journey. In buddhism, compassion or loving-kindness is often used instead of the word 'love' such that there is a differentiation between love without attachments and love which is more attached to people, places and things. Perhaps effective relating is about knowing when attachment is unhelpful to the grow and natural flow of the other and, being aware of this, to be able to exercise gunnen.