Meaning making

Apparently we are meaning making creatures- it is in our nature. Yet nature itself is without morality- it just is. Stuff happens not because of anything- why should this leaf fall instead of that leaf? Is it because this leaf is better or worse than the other? Of course not. Yet judgement and morality permeates every facet of our lives. It permeates this piece of writing. It may permeate your thoughts as you read this piece of text. My own personal history gives me a closer appreciation of the lack of morality in nature. My mum died relatively young- she was 71 at the time- perfectly healthy, internal organs of a 30 year old. Yet she died suddenly and without warning. Is it her 'karma'? Was it something she did? Did she live a life that 'deserved' a sudden death? I was not able to have successful pregnancies that resulted in a healthy birth of a child- was it right? Does it mean that it was 'probably a good thing' because I may not have been a good mother- that, somehow, it was 'for the best' that I couldn't have children?

Recently, I had a conversation with a great man, Len and in the course of that conversation I said to him 'it was a real pity that he did not take his talent further- that he gave up and never quite developed his immense potential as an artist' and Len's answer was 'it is not a moral question- whether he did or did not. A man has to earn a living. Pure and simple.'

It's a hard to really accept this fully. I have an intellectual understanding of this but I have not yet got to a place of letting go of my need to making meaning and come to true acceptance of the nature of nature.