holding on/ letting go

I have been interested in the work of Otto Scharmer for some time. In particular, his notion of 'letting go' and 'letting come' as part of the U-process of presencing futures. To me, the notion of letting go has buddhist connotations- I make particular connections with meditative practices, alleviation of suffering and impermanence being inheremt aspects of nature.

In the last six months, I have been in the presence of a great teacher, John, who represents for me, in many respects, polaric opposites. In particular, his sense of personal history and identity that seems to be defined by the holding on to significant aspects of his past. Not only does he have artefacts that belong to past generations of his family, he has books, paper cuttings and a vast array of memorabilia that defines who he is, where he's come from and what he represents. He is also a prolific writer and has subscribers that run into thousands and that excludes the amount of people whom he has 'touched' through books, talks and workshops.

In stark contrast, I make a point of never keeping anything- whenever I left a place of employment, I made sure I left everything behind. This was a deliberate decision on my part to reinvent and create new works. But as a consequence of this decision, I have no explicit thing I can point at to say- 'that's me'. This is both freeing and disconcerting as I find myself in new places being overwhelmed by unfamiliarity with very little to hold onto. Speaking to Carol recently on a peer coaching phone-call, she suggested that I should do something which I have mastery- in my mind, I translated 'mastery' to simply something I knew I can do. It seemed to make a lot of sense though no immediate task or opportunity came to mind. A few weeks later, I was lucky enough to go skiing for a day and in that day, I, uncharacteristically, did not go for very difficult or challenging runs but runs I could comfortably do- and enjoy- with no deliberate effort nor thinking. I cannot begin to tell you what that did for me. I was able, in skiing down relatively comfortable runs, to feel free to enjoy my competence, to ground myself and to give myself just enough 'history' to hold onto- just enough to give me enough hand-holding to go from feeling totally overwhelmed to feeling more in control. It had nothing to do with control over my environment- which continued to be alien and unfamiliar, but a FEELING of being in control of my feelings of overwhelmness. In one day, I found myself in a different place which in turn enabled me to become gradually more connected with what is now arising and to be more open to my own internal 'calling' as well as what the environment is calling me to do. This insight was only possible in the chaos of letting go- and most significantly, with grace, for the reminder from Carol- the gift of holding on and in doing so, a readiness for new possibilities to present themselves- in what Otto might call 'letting come'.

Gunnen

On the last night of the OD World Summit in Budapest, I was sitting with Stef and Shirine and, in the course of our conversation about relationships, Stef used the Dutch word 'gunnen' which he did not have a translation for. Shirine came out with this explanation: When you give space to someone because they deserve it...they have earnt it. The english translation on the web is 'not begrudge, not envy'. I thought it is interesting how the english translation is in the negative ie in the 'not'. Such is the knot of language, relationships and meaning-making. I wonder whether 'gunnen' is the same as 'given freely without expectations' or 'given unconditionally'. When I love someone, I often find myself wanting to grab hold of them, to protect them, to not want to let them go, to spend all my time with them etc. Of late, I am waking up to 'gunnen'- that loving someone is also about letting them go and do their thing- even if it means, ultimately, they go off to do whatever is most 'right' for them at this point in their journey. In buddhism, compassion or loving-kindness is often used instead of the word 'love' such that there is a differentiation between love without attachments and love which is more attached to people, places and things. Perhaps effective relating is about knowing when attachment is unhelpful to the grow and natural flow of the other and, being aware of this, to be able to exercise gunnen.

Madness

Ok, so here's the scoop. Life is mad but if we go with the flow our life, it's a blast!