Creativity and life

I was pointed to a Radio 4 programme on Creativity a few days ago by Andrew James Campbell. I missed the original programme but managed to catch up on it a few days later. A phrase used in the programme really resonated with me- something along the lines of:

What we all have in common is that our lives are finite and we never know the full meaning of our lives while we live it.

This sentence brings to mind my mum who always said to me rather wistfully, that she lived a very stable and uneventful life. To this day I do not know how she really felt about her life. I don't think she ever realised the meaning of her life and centrality of her role- nor did we. It wasn't until she died- for a year or more afterwards, my dad used to be confronted by all sorts of people in shops and restaurants who would approach him to ask after her- she impacted many people's lives by her warmth and caring attitude. I remember vividly that the week she passed away, we were sitting in a restaurant making funeral arrangements and a woman who was serving us was so upset she could not speak to us. Dad told me that when she first arrived from China my mum used to speak to her in her dialect and gave her a lot of help in relation to her welfare in Toronto. This proved to be very painful for my dad who was constantly reminded of her absence when all he wanted to do was to get over her death. The whole extended family also disintegrated within the year in her absence- there was no-one to hold everyone together- it was her holding and her love that enabled everyone to transcend their differences to find a place of accommodation and unity.

I see her smiley photo now and remind myself that a lovely, beautiful person has been reduced ashes that she never really knew and will never know the true value of her existence.

Falling

I went for a run on Sunday. While running downhill I became aware of the strain on my knees and wondered what whether it would be more or less straining if I were to lean forward. I shifted my weight forward such that I felt more running into the downward slope rather than 'against it' ie leaning back. This proved much easier and less straining. I made a connection with skiing and how, on very steep slopes- I am thinking of La Face at Val d'sere where the pitch is quite serious and where it is more often than not, icy- deserving of a 'black' run...how it was counter-intuitive to lean into the fall-line and how it was counter-productive to be leaning back- it is a paradox- if you lean into the fall-line, you have more control over your skis and your speed; conversely, because one is scared, the tendency to lean backwwards as a natural reaction to fear of falling...so it is very interesting to me that to lean into falling is less straining, more efficient and effective than trying to 'get away' from falling. So I wonder whether when something is coming to an end, 'letting go' is really about falling into the end- allowing oneself to be immersed in the ending rather than the urge/ natural inclination to hang-on to the past or resisting what in essence, is a natural phenomenon- part of a cycle of
birth <-> death. This in turn raises the question of sustainability and how it is now very fashionable to use the word 'sustainability'. Does nature seek to preserve itself? Does nature seek to prolong it's own life? I think not. It seems to me that nature does not attempt to overcome/ overpower/ control nature itself.