Right and Free

I have been practising painting recently by following a book on watercolour. As usual, painting is a completely absorbing activity---before you know it, a couple of hours have flown by. This book is on basic techniques in landscape painting...since I am completely self-taught, everything up to this point has been through discovery. However, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing as they say because I was shocked to find myself getting all worked up because I am not achieving the same effect as I should. Then I was shocked to find that I feel totally stumped when I considered switching back to Acrylics to make some abstract paintings. I was stunned by my sense of anxiety and how constrained I felt- simply the thought of picking up the brushes and playing with colours seemed daunting- inside of me, I was a bit 'blank' followed by a scramble to maybe paint this or that- looking for objects to paint, maybe replicating some of my watercolours but in Acrylics...I am just stunned that I have suddenly been locked into doing things right and perfecting something and so rapidly losing the ability to just freely express- without concern for form but allowing brushes, colours and feelings to run free. Now that I am writing about it, I feel better, I am looking at the large bowl of pink roses and connecting to their pinkness and now, suddenly, feeling something---a desire to play and express pink softness. Thank God!