I am sitting at the airport in Warsaw waiting for a flight to Istanbul where we are giving a workshop. I remember about 5 years ago my dad saying to me '...so I suppose you will be retiring soon...' and, at the time, I thought what he said was completely bonkers. Today, while sitting here, waiting for my flight, I am wondering whether it is in fact, Time. But then I thought, I don't actually know what the word 'retirement' means. When I googled, Wiki- the source of all information- says that retirement is the age when I stop employment. It doesn't describe how I feel. But I am feeling quite jaded- maybe, even defeated- when I see so much of what goes on, the amount of facade, illusions and delusions- I feel my ambivalence (at best). On the one hand, the fighter in me wants to continue to stay and carry on and the other part just wants to get off the train once and for all. So perhaps I am in 'Pre-Tirement'- selecting to put off retirement in an emerging way. At this point in my life, I am questioning a lot of what I have done- whether any of it was worth anything and whether I have/ am short-changing myself by insisting on being a practitioner rather than something else. John said to me this morning 'I came across this article about how to make yourself famous...' my immediate reaction was 'I don't want to be famous'. But then, in our world today, particularly in the corporate world, not being famous or known for something is almost akin to death/ non-existence. So do I go against my natural instinct? Or, is my insistence on 'not' itself, a significant sign of some other resistance? Seems also that for me to matter, I have to be regarded as someone who matters---and that seems a little crazy!
Last night, I watched a Ted Talk on Infidelity. The speaker was excellent- fascinating- and- I cannot remember a single thing she said- except for the comment at the end- 'I might sound French---I am not.' Then I started to wonder about Ted Talk- it is about ideas but it is also about the person too and in the ideal situation, the two would marry up. But I wonder whether the person giving the talk is serving the talk, others in their field or him/ her own PR? If indeed they are giving voice to others who are similarly doing that work, how would that change things and how would we know? If we are part of their field of interest, should we be grateful? Seems there is no way of being involved in that process of selection in the first place.
The finally, I guess it's about our attention and maybe this is the crux of the matter. I was fortunate enough to have worked with some fantastic interpreters in Poland: Agnieszka, Karol, Anna- you know who you are...! Their work is to support whoever is speaking but in fact, they are the ones who give the speech. Their work reminds me of a time when I was in a concert and the singer-songwriter was what everybody went there for. Yet the person who stole the show for me was the woman who accompanied her- she was the one who enriched and added extra dimension to her vocals. The way she gave herself to every song- much like the work of Agnieszka, Karol and Anna- heightened my awareness of all those who live and work in support of others. I would like the world to see more and right now, I feel I am flowing against the current.
