Peace at last

I noticed this morning how quiet it is. Normally I can hear trams and cars but this morning---nothing. There is a depth of silence in the countryside that is usually missing in the city. So it is actually quite unusual to experience complete silence and it is only in major festivals that I have ever experienced a 'quality' of stillness in the city. Somehow, when everyone is 'somewhere else'- Christmas Eve in some countries and Christmas Day in others- that places become very still. I find this stillness very peaceful. In this place, I am able to connect with the spirit in and of Christmas and indeed, in the heart of all major religions. In this place I am peace and acting from this place, all my actions are carriers of peace.

Going backwards

For so long I have held the believe that it's not possible to 'go backwards'. Lately, I have been thinking that this idea is not entirely 'true'. Whilst I do believe that we all move on, I am starting to think that it is possible to 'go back'. The reason why I say this is because I think when I 'move forward' in life, it is possible to reflect and take stock of what really matters to me and what it is that gives me joy, happiness and a sense of well-being. I believe the choice to return to that place is possible. I think it is because what really matters to me is the environment in which I feel 'at home' and 'at peace'. It's been very obvious to me for a long time now that my 'place' is in the open expanse of the countryside, being in nature. It is the only place where I have ever felt peaceful and fully accepted. A place where everything falls into place and where my life has a balanced perspective. The year I spent in the countryside was a period of my life where I was most unsettled and the most settled at the same time. At my most desparate, the countryside provided me with an unconditional holding, acceptance and healing in a way I never could have imagined. It was also a place where I came to many realisations about the nature of nature. It is a place where I intend to return- to quote John Scherer, a place where I will be 'coming home to myself'.

16899

So here it is, 16,899 +/- 1 day due to time zone differences. The number of days I've been alive on this earth. 16,899 sunrises and 16,899 sunsets. The question is, how many of those have I truly enjoyed? How many of those have I been fully present?

Lately, I've felt really disconnected and uninspired. I have come to realise the importance of place, space and time to me. In the last few years, I have grown to appreciate how nutured I feel when I am in nature. Living away from the UK, I desparately miss the woodlands and open countryside. At this time of the year when the air is sharp and the trees are resplendent in their reds, oranges and gold- there is nothing quite like being in the countryside- being one with nature. The most alive I've felt were some of the days in a little cottage in the depths of the West Berkshire countryside in the UK- surrounded by open fields and a depth of silence that connected me with my soul.

In this new place which I have yet to call 'home', I have not been able to take photos, write or paint. I wonder what it will take for me to return to reconnect with my sources of inspiration.

My favourite poem by Wagoner:

Lost

Stand still.

The trees ahead and bushes beside you are not lost.

Wherever you are is called Here,

And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,

Must ask permission to know it and be known.

The forest breathes. Listen.

It answers,I have made this place around you,

If you leave it you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches are the same to Wren.

If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,You are surely lost.

Stand still.

The forest knows where you are.

You must let it find you.